my grandma's a ninja

My grandma has been staying with us since Saturday.

My grandma is a brilliant cook.

My grandma cooked dinner tonight.

While I was down, helping mum with the snowflakes, the filter guys showed up to fix our demented filter. There were two of them, and after saying 'hi', I didn't think I'd talk to them.

So I was sitting at the dining table while they worked in the dry kitchen. Mum was ranting about something or rather and the nice filter guy was listening intently. Grandma was cooking in the wet kitchen.
Now, you must understand that the wet and dry kitchens are separated by nothing more than a sliding door. A sliding door which was open at this point in time.

As I was minding my OWN business, I suddenly felt this itch in my throat. Followed by an urge to cough. I started choking slightly. Of course, this random fit of spluttering needed some explanation, so I tried asking my mother if she felt it too. But of course, I failed. Then, the man working at the sink started coughing too.
I took this as a sign that I wasn't going to die and calmed down.

Then, EVERYONE started coughing. We all yelled at Grandma to make it stop.

She told us she was cooking. I know better. She was mixing her secret spices to make ninja spice balls to throw at unsuspecting victims. She was testing them out on us.

I'm onto you, Grandma.

--

Later that evening:

The filter guys were wrapping up, giving their details to mum so she could write the cheque when Grandma joined us at the table.
The filter man and her had a nice long discussion on where she was from and why she made the ninja dish that nearly choked us all to death.

Then, OF COURSE, the conversation switched to me.

Filter guy: So you cook stuff like [list of stuff that I didn't bother listening to].

Grandma: Yeah.

Filter guy: And everyone eats it?

Grandma: Oh, no. Just the adults. The kids don't know how to eat it.

Me: *ears perk up*

Grandma: Yeah, like this one here. *gestures towards me* She's very western. She doesn't eat stuff like that.

Filter guy: Oh?

Grandma: Yeah. All of them are like that.

Me: I just don't LIKE it. It's not that I can't eat it.

Grandma: *ignores me* This, lah, that, lah, no petai, lah.

Me: PETAI IS GROSS!

Grandma: It cleanses your system.

Me: No! It makes you smell like..like..

Grandma: Petai?

Me: Petai!

And it continued like that. And now, you must take into account the fact that both my Grandma and the Filter guy were speaking mostly in Hokkien and I (obviously) was not. So I sounded stark raving mad trying to defend myself in English while they talked.

I don't think I put on a convincing show. Filter man thinks I'm a spoilt brat.

OH well.

Guess it's because Grandma is sneaky like that.

Because she is a ninja.

End of story.