Monday, 2 November 2009

it's all normal till it's not

I totally forgot to tell you guys about what happened a few weeks ago.

I don't think I deserved this, and I was completely not prepared for it. Eventful things seem to happen in the shower. (don't try to read into that statement too much)

There I was, showering like a normal person, minding my own business. I knelt to nab the shampoo from the floor and felt my foot touch the hair atop the drain cover. I've got a lot of hair, so nothing out of the ordinary, right? Right.

It was when I stood up again that I realised that something was wrong.

The hair was still on my leg, and was beginning to move UPWARD.



See, by this time, my brain had figured out what was going on, but didn't let me freak out. Instead, I calmly looked down at my leg to be greeted by a friendly little critter.

And by friendly little critter, I mean:

Why it latched onto my leg, I have no idea. But I quickly shook it off and grabbed the shower head in preparation to kill it. (Sorry, I have no sympathy toward pee cockroaches. They have no redeeming qualities.) But the little turd crawled out under the shower door.
I glared at it while my heart beat slowed to normal and continued with my shower, preparing to kill the thing when I was done.

At this point in time, I had been extremely calm. No sudden movements. No screaming. I was calm externally, anyway.

I finished up with the shower and while I dried off, I looked around the bathroom floor for the stupid pee cockroach. I found him by the toilet. Just standing there. Twit.

I left the bathroom to get dressed and grabbed a tube of shuttlecocks to attack it with. I figured I had had enough bodily contact with it.

As I approached, I leaned in and crushed it with the end of the tube. No hesitation. If you hesitate, it will scuttle. If it scuttles, you'll freak out again because you don't want it to touch your feet. Was there a satisfying crunch sound? Yes. Am I sorry?

Not. in. the. slightest.

As I smushed the pee cockroach, I could feel the adrenaline rush that his initial sighting had caused. I felt all the scream and sudden movements pouring out into that unnecessarily forceful and violent killing.

Stupid pee cockroach.

He deserved it.

When I was satisfied with my work, I moved the tube, wiped up the corpse on the floor, wiped down the tube and set it back in its place. Calm as ever. No one who would have seen me then could have guessed I had just felt my heart beating outside my chest.

I don't think I'm actually afraid of cockroaches. I think I am just supremely grossed out by them.

So yeah, that's what happened.

D.R.I.P, pee cockroach. You stole a year of my life that night.

But I have to give you some credit. You've given me a great conversation starter.

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