when i get insecure, i put on one of your shirts because it makes me feel better. it's like getting a hug. a hug that smells like you.

[12/31/09] cheryl d'souza: sigh. THANK YOU
[12/31/09] Amanda Shiew: don't sigh!
[12/31/09] Amanda Shiew: sighing makes you a muffin!
[12/31/09] cheryl d'souza: a....muffin?
[12/31/09] Amanda Shiew: YES
[12/31/09] Amanda Shiew: you know how you sag a bit when you sigh?
[12/31/09] Amanda Shiew: the sagging will eventually turn you into a muffin
[12/31/09] cheryl d'souza: ....
[12/31/09] cheryl d'souza: i dont have a response
[12/31/09] Amanda Shiew: why not?
[12/31/09] Amanda Shiew: this is so logical
[12/31/09] cheryl d'souza: it is logical
[12/31/09] cheryl d'souza: which is why i have nothing to say

--

hi.

I feel weird.

Not good weird or bad weird. Just weird. Like I somehow accidentally stepped into a time machine and have been sucked back two years.

Nothing happened, but at the same time, something did.

There is just this general feeling of being fifteen again.
(Don't you DARE start singing that song.)

It's like when I take a deep breath, I breathe the air I breathed back then. You know how certain smells trigger certain memories? It's like that.

I have also seemed to develop the emptiness bubble.

The emptiness bubble usually occurs during the holidays when you are away from the people you are usually in contact with. You wake up late and stay up later. Days meld together and there is a sense of general floaty-ness.

The emptiness bubble causes you to get really in your head about things that you really shouldn't think about so much.

It makes you dream vividly and violently.

It makes you act differently than you would normally.

I feel like I'm walking around without purpose despite the fact that I am studying for exams that will make my future.

Apathy has set in again.


In modern terms, I suppose the best description of this feeling is 'meh'.

But it isn't really.

It's so much more than that.

Fifteen was kind of scary for me. Mostly because it was the year I needed to talk about certain things, but had literally no one to discuss them with.

Does this mean that it's happening again?

i'll bite my tongue

"I'm so sick of your voice."

And you wonder why I sometimes hate being at home.

This happens very often, and most of the time I am okay enough to let it slip by and let it go without it affecting me much or at all. But when it builds up to a point like this, it kind of stabs harder.

As much I pretend I am okay with hearing stuff like that, I really wish you wouldn't say it.

You're supposed to be encouraging. I literally cannot remember the last positive thing you've said to me about something I've said or done.

And I had my mind set on having a good day.

when i feel underserving

this is how I feel right now.

--

My eyes hurt.

I just got my glasses powered up and because I am wearing them, they are giving me a slight headache. But not enough of one to prevent me from writing this post.

--

Yesterday, I went to a party. It was a high school reunion party and was awesome. I saw the people I have been missing for a long time and spent a bunch of time catching up.

Yesterday was supposed to be a good day.

But due to a couple of moments of bad judgement, yesterday, I disappointed my best friend.

It wasn't supposed to happen and I had announced it out loud a couple of times that night. That I needed to make a call when I got home. But I still screwed up.

Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always. Be you, and be okay with it.
unknown

This is quite comforting in a time like this.

Through the tears and the slight slur I made countless apologies hoping that one of them would get through not understanding that the first one did.

"I forgive you."

It took me three hours to drift off because I was still kind of horrified at what I had done.

I woke up four hours later to a text from her.

shesamazing.

S, I won't forget my promise.

--

m

good afternoon

"Do I bore you?"

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

--



This is pretty.
--

I have been awake for a long time. I've spent it reading and editing my singular college application. (that's a long story I will tell sometime in the near future.)

I have exams coming up and they scare the crap out of me.

But, when my brain stops spinning with all the numbers and terms I have to remember, I think about what we talked about waaaay the other day.

And in response to that, I say:



And I know you know.

a magical time of year

Merry Christmas, everyone. :)

Okay, yeah. I missed the ACTUAL date, but there is a perfectly logical explanation for that.

Yesterday, to cure my crappy day, I gate crashed a party. Seriously. Not only was it just a party, but it was a family party. Yeah, I didn't think I had the ovaries for it either. But turns out I do. OVARIES OF STEEL, MAN.

What happened was that I sent Anne a text asking what she was doing. All I was thinking of was making a looooooong phone call when she was free at night. But she invited me over, and I was powerless to refuse.

Thing is, she asked me over for dinner WHILE I was eating dinner with my family. So I was full when I got to the house. Still, I managed to force down the super yum turkey. Talk about stuffing...

HAHA.

...puns...

Anyway, yeah. So after the crazy eating a lot and talking a lot and being interrupted a lot and wrapping presents that were to be opened half an hour after they were wrapped and then the actual unwrapping, I was ready to go home. By this time, however, it was one in the morning.

Not a problem on a normal basis but because I had slept the afternoon away, I needed to finish the Christmas cards I was to give out that morning.

They. Took. Forever.

The thirteen cards took me five hours to finish. Do note that every single card starts out as a blank piece of paper. What I do is after checking my list twice (heh), I draw a picture on the front and then write a personal message on the inside. That's why it takes so bloody long per card.

I ended up crashing at six something on the couch in the den. I woke up about half an hour later when the boys started a racket downstairs with the present opening and such. I was tempted to join them for a bit. Then I decided that I was more tired than excited to open my presents.

They let me sleep in till nine.

Got ready for and went to church. The Christmas play was great. I think everyone did a brilliant job and that the response was super encouraging.

Things were also fixed this morning. :)

After church was lunch, after lunch was home. Basically hung out with Alex and Adam. Nerf gunning, trying to sleep on the living room couch, failing to sleep on the living room couch and eating the random pieces of chocolate that were thrown at me.
Then was the shower.
And then was dinner with the relatives.

Went to Italiannies in the Curve with mum's side of the family. There was way too much food, despite us ordering carefully to avoid such a situation. Fail.

I SENT NINJA TO BE FIXED.

I have a good feeling about it, and hopefully this time next week will have Ninja back in my hand. I miss the awesome ringtones that came out of his speaker. The phone I'm using now is kind of weird in that department. But yeah. Still. *fingers crossed*

THEN, I was dropped off at Rach's place to hang out. They had a dinner party thing which was awesome fun and super crowded. Yei. :)

Played Boggle till late.

Late as in one in the morgan.

Again.

Ask me what kind of mood I'm in.

Go on.

What's that you say? What kind of mood am I in? Hah. I never thought you'd ask.

I'm in a good mood. I'm in a good mood because everything that was broken yesterday was mended today.

iloveyou.

--

wine makes me warm

:)

tis the season to be jolly

but I kinda want to crawl into a hole and hide for a while.

Sometimes, I have inexplicably bad days that sound as if they are going to be awesome but end up sucking the rear end of a particularly flatulent baboon.

I feel hurt, but at the same time I kind of feel like I deserve it. So I can't do anything about it. So I'm hiding in my room.

I'm confused. I don't know whether I should be running far in the opposite direction or trying to dig my heels deeper into the ground.

I'm also kind of frustrated.

Because today, I had to fight myself alone. And for the first time in a while,

I lost.

when my brain won't put anything in order

"Where's your other half?" he asked.

I pointed to the bathroom.

--

Don't you just hate it when school gives you fake holidays? Its when give you a whole load of days off but something responsible to do at the end of it. That's what I have now. I have just over a month of no classes but exams in January. So though I'd LOVE to sleep in everyday, I have to get up and hit the books.

Wheeee.

I also have applications to do.

My life is SO chock full of excitement.

--

What is this nonsense about the new show Stitch! on Disney? What happened to Lilo?

STUFF LIKE THIS DESTROYS CHILDHOOD.

I am legitimately upset.

--

Last night, Alex and I decided that we were hungry and solved the problem by calling McDonalds at nine. We brought the feast into the den and turned on the TV. We spent the next hour watching SpongeBob and Jimmy Neutron which is about the time when mum walked in on the both of us.

Mum: You're sitting here watching cartoons and eating McDonalds?

Us: Uh. Yeah.

Mum: *scoff*

Haha. I don't think she realises yet how well she brought us up.

--

Today, I took Adam to 7-11 to get a Slurpee. The first cup exploded all over my hands and the floor.

The second cup exploded on top of the remnants of the first explosion.

I think the guy behind the counter didn't know whether to be amused or pissed off.

Then I paid him with a RM50 note.

If he wasn't pissed off yet, he sure was after that.

He gave me my change and I bolted, Adam trailing behind me.

--

Pinocchio is playing on Disney tonight. Adam has yet to see it. I think I should be a good sister and educate him by forcing him to watch it.

As well as every other single Disney movie before his time.

Because all the good ones happened then.

:)

The new layout: an explanation

I was bored with the old one.

Bai.

Youth Camp '09 : DIE HARD, LIVE FREE

17th - 20th December
PINES RESORT, FRASER'S HILL

--

Why, hello there, blogworld. I meant to leave both a blog entry and a fb status update about where I was gonna be this past weekend, but I was busy the night before I left, so didn't bother to.
That's why it appeared as if I was sucked into a black hole.

I wasn't.

This year's camp was about discipleship. In a nutshell, we were taught that in order to follow Christ we have to first die to ourselves as it's the only way to life free. That we have to take up our own crosses, no matter how heavy, and carry them.

It was an action packed few days. And it was freezing cold. Usually, I love the cold, but there were a couple of mornings I could have done without it.

This year, though not on the committee, I found it hard to spend a lot of time with my team. Shaun and I were in charge of leading three sessions, so time that was not spent eating, sleeping or showering was spent in the hall singing and re-singing songs. Everything was ordered and re-ordered. Musicians were swapped out and brought in last minute. It was crazy. Not helping was the fact that both Shaun and I are positively anal about getting arrangements perfect before we lead.

Everything turned out well though. :)

I think we're both extremely relieved with the outcome. We had a great team to work with.

I hope that the people got as much as we did out of Saturday night. I think I speak for everyone when I say it was mindblowing.

This God guy, He's seriously cool.

I wish I could say more about it, but you really had to be there yourself to know what an experience it was. :)

Because I think everyone should see this.

*collapse*

Where am I?

I'm in the church cafeteria, sitting like a loner, hunched over a computer.

Why?

I have worship practice in an hour and didn't have the transport to come at a time closer to zero hour. Issokay though, at least I have the internet to keep me entertained.

But I'm still nodding off as I go.

haha.

--

OMGTHEPRODUCTIONISOVERRRRR.


Most of you who know me personally know that this week was the week the production I was involved in was staged. That would also explain why I haven't been posting anything for a while. Bump in was on Monday at ten and bump out was today at nine. The time in between was spent running around, carrying heavy things, sweating and sometimes, maybe, catching a breath.

This week was also the week that I needed to finish writing all my application essays. Cheryl did too, so we stayed up on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday to finish up with them. The deal was to stay up till four, sleep and get up at eight to get into college. It worked marvellously for the three days. But on Wednesday, my body couldn't take it anymore and started breaking down.

My nose went bonkers and I could barely keep my eyes open. Rach managed to save me by bringing Panadol when she came to watch the show.

The few hiccups that happened during the first show were eradicated during the second. The hiccups during the second, were terminated for the third. After working non-stop for days in a row, it was amazingly satisfying to see everything unravel.

I am exhausted.

But it's a happy kind of exhausted.

I'm probably going to miss being locked in that auditorium from ten to ten everyday.


:)

screaming monkeys

"Are you happy?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Yeah."

--

Today is someone's birthday. I can totally feel it, but I don't know whose it is. I just checked fb and it says it's Heta's birthday. Happy Birthday Heta! I miss you.

I. am. hungry.

I didn't have an appetite for dinner today, so I didn't eat much. I'm kind of regretting that now, because my stomach us rumbling something awful. Super growl. But it's late. So I'm not going to feed it. Get up tomorrow for breakfast

I've decided to talk about something that happened on Wednesday.

After my Econs mock, mum came to pick me up. She's the principal of this year's VBS so has to be in church for both sessions. This means that she doesn't have time to send me home. I just get in the car, and we go right back to church.

When my laptop REFUSED to connect to the WiFi there, I gave up and began to wander. Reyna was there, so naturally just plonked myself down at her table to annoy her. She ended up pinching me. It hurt. HAHA. I was asking for it, though.

We decided that ninjas are awesomer than pirates because all pirates do is steal stuff and get scurvy.

Then she had to go. :(

Callie showed up a bit later, so we started talking. Close to the end of the conversation, we heard some manic screaming from the general area of the committee room. There were a bunch of people in our general area who were as confused as we are, but seemed to accept my explanation that there was a crazy monkey nearby. It didn't stop.

Uncle Brandon walked by and asked,

"What is that noise?!?!"

"Crazy monkey," I said.

Then it happened.

The monkey said my name.

I FLIPPED OUT.

I said a hurried goodbye to everyone there and ran to the committee room. Mum was like "oh, there she is" as I looked at her in horror. Turns out, they had one of the kids call me. But instead of using a normal voice, the kid used a shrieky, crazy monkey one.

After laughing at what went down, mum and I left.

*sigh*

Is the craziness that will never stop.

Hope you're well.

:)

Kevin, Kevin, if you're able

MOCKS ARE OVERRRR!

YEAHHHHHH!

Now the focus shifts to the production next week, college apps and worship for camp. Awesome.

--

My hands feel like they are freezing off. I'm gonna keep this brief.

On Tuesday, Iqa and I met an ant named Kevin. He hung out with us while we sat at the ticket booth, making sure nothing was taken. This morning, I woke up early to go into college to study for Econs.

About half an hour into my loner study session, I saw a black dot. Kevin was back. He decided to walk over my notes and onto my laptop. I let him explore. Mostly, he stayed on the laptop.
And I actually did begin to feel less lonely.
He kind of just clambered around, not disturbing me.

After a madly awesome lunch with Ms. C and the Lit gang, us Econs kids headed fearfully for room 2.5. As I was unpacking my stuff, I managed to push the desk attached to the chair I was using in a way that sent it crashing on the desk next to me.

As I started picking everything back up, I noticed there was a black spot on the white table. After a double take, I realised that my good old buddy old pal had shown up again in a time of need.

"IT'S KEVIN!" I shouted at Iqa.

Everyone else thought we were mad. *shrug* Whatever.

Kevin stuck around for the duration of the paper.

Kevin is awesome.

Goodnight.

--

P.S. Reyna, you totally left a bruise. Haha. :) It's pancakes. Don't worry about it.

whatcha say

"One of the reasons I like you so much is because you don't care what other people think."

--

I don't want you to be mad at her.

I wish you were back to sort this all out.

Sometimes, I wish you knew.

Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

I need to know. And it has to be me. Because you won't.

--

Goodnight, world.

m

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIXON!!!

Sorry that you had a stupid Stats paper on your special, old man day.

Bet you killed it, though.

Hope it was as awesome-awesome as I predicted it would be. You certainly deserve it. :)

friend. :)

--

Happy Birthday, dude.

Wishing you plenty more to come.

--

m

critters won't leave me alone

Husna Qureshi: 21:46:28
haha i said liliy!
Amanda Shiew: 21:46:38
AHAHAHAHA
Husna Qureshi: 21:46:38
how silly!
Amanda Shiew: 21:46:41
I DIDN'T SEE THAT
Husna Qureshi: 21:46:49
LOL
Amanda Shiew: 21:46:50
STOP RHYMING, I'LL HIT YOU
Husna Qureshi: 21:47:09
sorryyyyyyy
Husna Qureshi: 21:47:16
not really
Amanda Shiew: 21:47:33
turd
Husna Qureshi: 21:47:46
hehe
Husna Qureshi: 21:48:36
my head is bleeding
Amanda Shiew: 21:48:47
WHAT?
Amanda Shiew: 21:48:52
WHY?
Husna Qureshi: 21:49:24
i pinched a pimple on my hairline
Husna Qureshi: 21:49:31
and its bleeding
Husna Qureshi: 21:49:35
like a lot
Husna Qureshi: 21:49:49
ok its stopped
Amanda Shiew: 21:50:24
oh
Amanda Shiew: 21:50:27
pimple
Amanda Shiew: 21:50:31
false alarm
Amanda Shiew: 21:50:41
i thought someone had taken a hatchet to your skull
Husna Qureshi: 21:50:43
hope u enjoyed the play by play
Amanda Shiew: 21:50:49
i did

--

My phone, Ninja, is out of commission.

I found out that I've been pulling the charger out of the port the wrong way. The repeated action has resulted in the charging of my phone to become almost impossible.
I'm sad about this. I really, really like that phone. I want to have it fixed.

NOW.

*sigh*

Cheryl and I had an epic battle with a gecko the other day.

She was driving me home, and glanced in my general direction to be polite while I talked. That was when she noticed a gecko on the passenger side mirror. Her eyes widened considerably and she interrupted me with

"THERE IS A LIZARD ON THE MIRROR!"

I dislike lizards. I dislike them more than I dislike gross, pee cockroaches. So naturally, I freaked out as well.

No screaming or anything, because it was outside, but the mere sight of it made my skin crawl. It was coloured like one of those brown and black snakes. *shudder* dudeitwassogross.

Cheryl drove as calmly as she could while we tried to carry on our normal conversation about the Amish. I kept an eye on the little monster. It managed to wedge itself between the mirror and the mirror holder so the wind wouldn't blow it away.
Made me angrier at it.

The rest of the conversation was punctuated by this exchange:

*worriedly* "Is it still there?!?"

*tautly* "MHMM!"

When we finally pulled up in front of my house, we tried all sorts of methods to get it off without getting out of the car. Cheryl moved the mirrors, trying to scare it out of hiding. At one point, it climbed out from it's hiding spot and stuck itself to the back of the mirror. I didn't know if it was gone, so I started winding down the window to see if I could catch a glimpse.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"I'm trying to see if it's still there."

*realisation*

"LIZARDS CAN JUMP, RIGHT?!?!"

"YES! CLOSE THE WINDOW!"

I have never seen an automatic window move so slowly. Thankfully, nothing happened.

Eventually, I had the idea to shake the door. I used a. lot. of. effort. I could've made five milkshakes with that amount of energy.

Then quiet.

"Think it's gone?" I asked.

"I dunno. I'll go check."

"You don't have to, I can."

"NO! I will go! I don't want it in my car!"

Cheryl got out, and checked. She gave me a thumbs up. The thing had fallen onto the road. We then backed up a bit to avoid further contact with it and I got out the car, thanked her and rang the doorbell.

I think the whole ordeal left the both of us drained.

Stupid lizard.

Unnecessary stress.

--

I miss my squishy friend. :(

the noodle ankle

"I just don't like it when they whine about it and expect everyone around to panic with them."

"Yeah, it bothers me too."

"I mean like you, right, sometimes you leave your work last minute too. But you don't whine, complain or panic, because you've already gauged what you are going to do."

"Right."

"And that's fine."

--

Good morning/afternoon/evening, dear readers.

It is Monday.

bleh.

I FINISHED MY COURSEWORK!

YEAH!!

I'm here, today, to talk about an incident that happened after lunch. Cheryl, Fiface, Sna and I went to McD's to celebrate our two hour break. This happened on the way back to KPD, via shuttle bus.

I was carrying both Fifa's and my full drinks (because who can resist a free refill) and was in the process of stepping over a drain. I was also carrying my sling bag with my laptop in it. I must have misplaced my footing or something, because the next thing I know, I was not in control of the direction I was going anymore.

With both hands full and one shoulder being weighed down by an expensive laptop, I attempted to save myself by my leg alone. But my ankle was well on it's way to being broken beyond recognition.

BUT

What happened instead of a disgustingly loud 'CRACK' sound, I felt my ankle turn into a noodle. Thinking quickly, I used my newly discovered noodle ankle and shifted my weight to the other leg. This gave me enough balance to use the thigh of the noodle ankle leg to push myself back up.

I did not break my laptop.

I did not spill a drop of Coke.

I did not break my ankle.

I did not touch the floor.

I am a ninja.

--

Hope you're all well.

:)

hi there. can you stop making completely ridiculous and inappropriate advances on my friend? yeah, thanks.

"So what are YOU gonna wear?"

"I'll go nude. I'll go nude, so they can all see my cellulite."

". . ."

*facepalm*

--

Hello. I am taking a coursework break because my brain is slowly being baked like the pizza I burned a couple weeks ago.
That was a gastronomy fail. Fail fail.

Yeah.

I had a good day. Very chill. Got work done. Was nice. :)

--

[2:42:09 PM] Amanda Shiew: my phone's t9 spells 'protego'
[2:42:15 PM] Amanda Shiew: i think it is a wizard
[2:42:28 PM] cheryl d'souza: IT MUST BE
[2:42:32 PM] cheryl d'souza: it's a shape shifter
[2:42:34 PM] cheryl d'souza: a biggart
[2:42:36 PM] cheryl d'souza: BOGGARY
[2:42:39 PM] cheryl d'souza: BOGGART!
[2:46:35 PM] Amanda Shiew: THERE YOU GO

haha. so. much. fun.

--

Today was a good hug day.

I am jacked up on coffee.

FARETHEEWELL!

--

QUICK EDIT:

I've added a bunch of links to blogs I read and sites I troll under the Cbox. Mostly because I am lazy and want a quick and easy way to get to them. You guys could use the list too, if you like. :)
Also, if you have a blog and I have neglected to include it, please berate me and send me the link ASAP.

Thanks.

christmas time is here

This year, the tree went up earlier than it would normally. Usually, we gather as a family to put the tree up during the first week of December. This year, we're collectively too busy to put it up then, so now was the only time we had.

There wasn't much to put up, but it was fun.

Alex played football this morning and was completely knocked out, so he missed the entire occasion. It wasn't the same without him. There were no arguments about the gaudy string of beads or flashy, multicoloured lights he likes so much.
It's like an annual battle. How much of the tree's dignity we can save from him.

Because his taste is...well...different.

Heh.

So with Christmas music blasting from the oversized television in the den, we all got to work and emptied the three boxes stuffed with Christmas decorations. (save the gaudy beads and ugly ribbons.)

Adam was well behaved, for a change, and actually contributed. As usual, he got to put the star on top of the tree.


I've decided that he's cute from far away.

It was fun putting up all the stuff. Because we recycle most of our decorations, stuff from forever ago appears at around Christmas time. I have some decorations from the days in the Philippines. Which is awesome. Making me all nostalgic and stuff.

*sigh*

I love Christmas.

--

And on a side note, I found something awesome:

a black santa. :)

--

It's been a good day.

:)

"You have to try one of those."

"Mmm.."

"No, you have to try one."

"No."

"You have to try a Life-Saver. You have to!"

". . ."

"You're my life saver."

--

Here's the deal.

Tonight's post isn't going to be like the normal ones I usually write. No baby dinosaurs, no gross pee cockroaches. I doubt it's gonna be very funny, but I want to write it anyway. If you're not up for that, then you can just skip this one and wait for the next. I won't take it personally.
Promise. :)

Okay. Disclaimer out of the way, onto the post.

Today was the day my P license came through. (Yes, I did pass my driving test. A post about that is soon to come. Be patient.) Dad suggested I drive to dinner, since it wasn't far away.
I accepted the offer despite mum's clear reluctance to get into the car with me behind the wheel.

I have driven with mum in the car before, and each and every time, she screams and hides her face. Dad also tends to let out involuntary noises of what I can only describe as fear.

So off we went. Me, mum, dad, Adam and Grandma. Grandma actually had other dinner plans, but wanted to see me drive. It had rained and darkness was falling, so visibility wasn't the best.

I'd describe the short journey, but I wouldn't want to bore you guys to death. It wouldn't be fair, would it? No. Okay. Point made. Moving on.

I'm sure all parents are nervous when their kids are behind the wheel of a heavy machine, so I expected them to be on the edge of their seats, giving me instructions. It's completely understandable, right? Right.

What I found difficult was not crashing the car while they were both yelling different instructions at the same time, then berating me for trying to follow them. I'm not exaggerating. This is what happened.
I have to give dad credit for at least trying to be calm. He started falling apart towards the end, though.

Arrived at destination. Parked. Sat down at the table.

No one said anything about the ride over, which was fine with me. I actually didn't want to hear about it.

A few minutes passed.

Then my grandma leaned over,

"I'm proud of you. I believe you can do it."

I love her.

I smiled and thanked her. She was the only person in the car that didn't give me crap about anything. Yes. Even Adam had his say.

The conversation ended there, but I didn't stop thinking about what she said.

They let me drive home. By this time, it was really dark. Night dark. Yeah. More stress. When I agreed to drive, I knew I was setting myself up for that. But it still wasn't fun.
Normally, the frantic yelling doesn't get to me. But tonight, it did. I don't know why. It's not like it was the first time it happened.

I got everyone home safe, but it didn't feel like much of an accomplishment.

I don't think they realise, but my parents completely destroy my confidence when they talk to me like that. I know they're trying to help, but it's hard to see anything as helpful when it's presented like that.

My aunt came to pick Grandma up for dinner. She was driving the Myvi, and invited me to join them so that I could drive a smaller car, but I politely declined. I couldn't. Not tonight.
I do, however, completely appreciate the gesture. Really.

It's funny to joke about how my mum thinks she'll throw up if she lets me drive her around, but only for a while.
Then it gets annoying.

And tonight, it made me sad.

who stole the Cookie from the cookie jar?

*sigh*

Hello.

I've had a poopy day. Not a day that involved particularly large amounts of faeces, but one that I didn't really enjoy having.
I haven't talked about him before, but a while back, I came to possess an iPod nano. He had a hardshell case and his name was Cookie. I kept him in decent condition.

Today, when I went off for lunch with Cheryl, Fiface and Snargle, we all left our ridonkulously heavy bags behind in our building. As we are SO strategically placed, our building is forever away from anything that resembles food. It takes a decent trek and a half to get lunch, so we usually just leave all our crap and go.

And that's what we did.

When we got back, though, something was different. My bag was gone. All our stuff that had been tucked neatly on chairs, was scattered on the table, and my bag was gone.

Of course it was.

So began the hunt. We looked everywhere on the floor we were on and the floor above. Nothing.
Then Cheryl thought to ask one of our A-Voice photographers if he had seen the bag.

Cheryl: Hey, by any chance, have you seen a Converse bag?

(Here's where I expected the 'no, sorry'.)

Sean: *pause* Uh..yeah. Is it black?

Cheryl: Yes.

Sean: Is it white?

Cheryl: Yeeess.

Sean: Um. Yeah. It's in the boy's bathroom, KPDA, level one.

*Cheryl and I exchanged the most outrageous looks*

Cheryl and I: ..okay. Thanks.

Sean: Sure..

--

We made our way over, Sathish in tow, to KPDA. By this time, I was almost 100% sure Cookie was gone. The fact that it was hidden in the BOYS bathroom, MILES from where it was taken, was enough to convince me it wasn't accidental.
And if it wasn't accidental, the theif wouldn't pass up an iPod. Not when it was that easy.

We got there. The floor was empty. My bag was on a table. Someone had obviously taken it out and put it there. I walked over and reached my hand in to the front pouch where Cookie was supposed to be and my heart sunk a little when my fingers brushed up against nothing. A small part of me wanted to believe it was still an accident.

I sighed as I made the announcement,

"Yeah. It's gone."

It was a slow trudge back to our building. We thanked Sathish for tagging along and went to find the others.

--

It was only about two hours later, in Econs, that I discovered that they'd also taken my calculator.

--

Sure, I'm kind of annoyed that all this happened. I mean, who wouldn't be, right? But it's done and I can't take anything back. I didn't think it was worth being upset about. Sure, Cookie will be missed. But it's nothing that isn't replaceable.

All my notes, my books, were left in the bag. My pencil case.

I told my parents when I got home. I didn't get into trouble. It's not that my parents are so filthy rich they don't care. They just don't see the point of getting upset about it. Yes, they're probably disappointed that it happened. But what can we do?

Nothing.

I did tell them that I didn't want them to replace it, because I should have to deal with the consequences of being careless. I'm saving up for a new calculator too. This means more breakfast, less lunch.
*sighhhh*

I am, however, glad that it was only my stuff that the idiot took. He chose the most expensive bag without realising that the others around had more expensive iPods in them.

I'm okay to deal with this, I think.

Bye, Cookie.

Hope you fall into good hands.

:)

my grandma's a ninja

My grandma has been staying with us since Saturday.

My grandma is a brilliant cook.

My grandma cooked dinner tonight.

While I was down, helping mum with the snowflakes, the filter guys showed up to fix our demented filter. There were two of them, and after saying 'hi', I didn't think I'd talk to them.

So I was sitting at the dining table while they worked in the dry kitchen. Mum was ranting about something or rather and the nice filter guy was listening intently. Grandma was cooking in the wet kitchen.
Now, you must understand that the wet and dry kitchens are separated by nothing more than a sliding door. A sliding door which was open at this point in time.

As I was minding my OWN business, I suddenly felt this itch in my throat. Followed by an urge to cough. I started choking slightly. Of course, this random fit of spluttering needed some explanation, so I tried asking my mother if she felt it too. But of course, I failed. Then, the man working at the sink started coughing too.
I took this as a sign that I wasn't going to die and calmed down.

Then, EVERYONE started coughing. We all yelled at Grandma to make it stop.

She told us she was cooking. I know better. She was mixing her secret spices to make ninja spice balls to throw at unsuspecting victims. She was testing them out on us.

I'm onto you, Grandma.

--

Later that evening:

The filter guys were wrapping up, giving their details to mum so she could write the cheque when Grandma joined us at the table.
The filter man and her had a nice long discussion on where she was from and why she made the ninja dish that nearly choked us all to death.

Then, OF COURSE, the conversation switched to me.

Filter guy: So you cook stuff like [list of stuff that I didn't bother listening to].

Grandma: Yeah.

Filter guy: And everyone eats it?

Grandma: Oh, no. Just the adults. The kids don't know how to eat it.

Me: *ears perk up*

Grandma: Yeah, like this one here. *gestures towards me* She's very western. She doesn't eat stuff like that.

Filter guy: Oh?

Grandma: Yeah. All of them are like that.

Me: I just don't LIKE it. It's not that I can't eat it.

Grandma: *ignores me* This, lah, that, lah, no petai, lah.

Me: PETAI IS GROSS!

Grandma: It cleanses your system.

Me: No! It makes you smell like..like..

Grandma: Petai?

Me: Petai!

And it continued like that. And now, you must take into account the fact that both my Grandma and the Filter guy were speaking mostly in Hokkien and I (obviously) was not. So I sounded stark raving mad trying to defend myself in English while they talked.

I don't think I put on a convincing show. Filter man thinks I'm a spoilt brat.

OH well.

Guess it's because Grandma is sneaky like that.

Because she is a ninja.

End of story.

i'm drawing a freaking vagina, man

is what happens when you're friends with a med student.

--

Hai.

I just ate a cheese sammich. I crave a cheeseburger, but because I am lazy to pick up the phone and dial McD's, I settled. It'll do.
For now.

Today, I skipped school. Why? Because Franklin won't leave me alone. He was quieter, today though. He didn't romp around in there like he owned the place, but he did see fit to clear some room.

I stayed home because I had serious backwards eating problems. It wasn't painful, though, which I am grateful for. It was just immensely inconvenient. I didn't leave the house. I couldn't leave the house.

It posed too much a threat to poor, unsuspecting toilets everywhere.

*shudder*

Uh, so yeah. I spent the time doing work. But I chose to do it in the comfortable squishyness (*grin*) that is my bed. Mostly because that is what is expected of you when you are home, sick. If I had it my way, I wouldn't have done work. I would have snuggled and slept. But alas, that never seems to be the case, does it?

Too bad. It rained. It was PERFECT sleep weather. But noooooo. Stupid college work. Hmph.

Aside from working and toileting, I made SNOWFLAKES.

Mum needed help making, like, a kabillion snowflakes. Sounds fun, right? 'cept mum doesn't know how to make snowflakes. She agreed to do it based on the assumption that I knew how. Once I looked it up online, I did know how.

Yei, internet!

So after a stationary store robbery with mum and grandma after dinner, the family sat down to make snowflakes. Me folding, mum cutting, dad showing off his manly-man-ness tearing three pieces of paper at once and Alex unfolding the snowflakes and failing to put them back as they were.
Yes. We are quite the team.

Snowflakes are to surprise Adam's class at school tomorrow when they get back from recess.

It's Christmas time!

:)

the return of the baby dinosaur

Baby dinosaurs sound cute, don't they?

Yeah. But when they invade your stomach and then try to CLAW their way out, 'cute' is the last word I'd use to describe them.

I had a relapse of the case of the Franklin.

He appeared on Friday evening and began fading this morning. The only difference between this attack and the last was that this one did NOT involve backwards eating. Just crazy pain in the upper abdominal, lower chest, back area.

I know. Terribly specific.

Doctor didn't know what was wrong, so I just got pain killers and Panadol to drop my fever.

Yei.

*sigh*

I wish Franklin didn't keep coming back. He's kind of an a-hole.

hi.

I'm not very good at handling stress.

Actually, I'm pretty horrifically terrible at it.

But I try.

And I do have help. :)

thanks.

sunny days

because google is good at making me feel nostalgic.

every time I hold you I begin to understand, that everything about you tells me you're my best friend

And you said:

"Most normal people put their work before their friends. You, well you, you're just the opposite. You can't help it. And it's the people like us that hurt the people like you."

--

What a day. I seem to be in somewhat of a psychotic mood.

Happy psychotic, though. Which is the better kind of psychotic, I have to say. I've been bouncing around and reacting violently to tiny things that don't matter. Laughing at my own mug shots as well as Iqa's. Pretending to strangle the ADP kids who won't stop swearing at the top of their lungs:

"Can you not say that? You sound like a f****** bimbo."
*unintelligible reply*
"NO! YOU SOUND LIKE A F****** BIMBO, WHICH YOU ARE NOT!"
*more unintelligible muttering*
"SHUT THE F*** UP! YOU SOUND SO F****** BIMBOTIC!"

Yeah, I think you get the point. Everything we hear from them sounds like this. Which is unfortunate, because I do like to think that there are some decent people in the mass of swearing loudspeakers. But the minute I hear another word about Mahatma Ghanda, I'm going to kick someone in the baby maker.

My craziness prompted Jit to tell me that I was the most 'un-zen' person he knew. I took it completely as a compliment. Hah. What does that say about my personality?

It's underneath all the crazy that I realise that there are important things that have to be done. Deadlines are drawing closer.

I caught sight of the ever elusive Hema tonight. It was like sighting a unicorn. I kid you not.

And now, back to work.

Hope you're all well.

:)

honk

Why hello there.

I've wanted to blog since Friday evening (as this post is dated then), but so many things have come up that I totally lost the momentum. Just the momentum though, not the desire.
It's Sunday now.

In the midst of college apps, Lit coursework and crazy prep for Mocks, it's been a hectic few weeks. I've been sleeping earlier than I have been in a long while, yet I feel inexplicably tired. I get up and have to DRAG myself out of bed. Not like that's anything new...

I miss my friends.

The friends that I haven't seen since graduating, the friends that are too busy to hang out anymore, the friends that I left in other countries, the friends that left TO other countries, the friends that can't be bothered anymore and the friends that time has just taken away.

I suppose that's what we all have to deal with though.

Sometimes, I find that I'm reluctant to go to reunion parties. Despite this, I do go. And what happens? I leave with a lightness in my chest. It's a happy feeling.

Now with us all busy and moving on to new places and schools and friends, I doubt we're going to be able to gather the same way. I realise I miss it more than I thought I would.

--

A conversation I had with Cheryl a while back when we weren't drowning in math papers and law essays:

cheryl d'souza: 01:47:49

i blogged

cheryl d'souza: 01:47:52

but its brief

Amanda Shiew: 01:47:57

OKAY

cheryl d'souza: 02:00:05

mooo

Amanda Shiew: 02:00:24

woof

cheryl d'souza: 02:02:57

meowwwwwwwwww

Amanda Shiew: 02:03:46

hissssssss

cheryl d'souza: 02:05:17

beeeeeeehhhhhhhh

Amanda Shiew: 02:05:33

bleeeeaaaaatttttttttt

cheryl d'souza: 02:07:05

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Amanda Shiew: 02:07:15

grunt

cheryl d'souza: 02:09:11

oinkkk

Amanda Shiew: 02:09:38

ROAR

cheryl d'souza: 02:11:36

ooh ooh ahh ahh

Amanda Shiew: 02:12:00

cuh-caw!

cheryl d'souza: 02:12:19

sqwaaak!

Amanda Shiew: 02:13:33

hooooot

cheryl d'souza: 02:14:09

clck clck clck

Amanda Shiew: 02:14:40

whrrrrrrr whrrrrrrrrr

cheryl d'souza: 02:14:54

aaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooo

Amanda Shiew: 02:15:15

nieghhhh

cheryl d'souza: 02:15:26

heeehawww

Amanda Shiew: 02:16:20

cluck cluck cluck

cheryl d'souza: 02:18:18

grrrrowwwwllll

cheryl d'souza: 02:18:24

NO WAIT

cheryl d'souza: 02:18:28

cock a doodle dooo

Amanda Shiew: 02:18:48

quack

cheryl d'souza: 02:19:42

ribbit!

Amanda Shiew: 02:19:53

honkkkkk

cheryl d'souza: 02:22:47

honk?

Amanda Shiew: 02:23:14

it's a goose

Amanda Shiew: 02:23:17

I WIN!

cheryl d'souza: 02:25:16

=(

cheryl d'souza: 02:25:23

you do win

cheryl d'souza: 02:25:26

I TWEETED YOU@

Amanda Shiew: 02:25:34

WHOOP!

Because all our conversations go like this.

--

But I do have friends that have stuck around and are proably going to for a while. All this despite the fact that they are mad busy and in different countries and what not.

I couldn't ask for more from them.

I'm the luckiest twit in the world.

:)

it's all normal till it's not

I totally forgot to tell you guys about what happened a few weeks ago.

I don't think I deserved this, and I was completely not prepared for it. Eventful things seem to happen in the shower. (don't try to read into that statement too much)

There I was, showering like a normal person, minding my own business. I knelt to nab the shampoo from the floor and felt my foot touch the hair atop the drain cover. I've got a lot of hair, so nothing out of the ordinary, right? Right.

It was when I stood up again that I realised that something was wrong.

The hair was still on my leg, and was beginning to move UPWARD.

UPWARD!

THAT IS NOT NORMAL AT ALL!

See, by this time, my brain had figured out what was going on, but didn't let me freak out. Instead, I calmly looked down at my leg to be greeted by a friendly little critter.

And by friendly little critter, I mean:
HORRIFICALLY DISGUSTING FOUL SMELLING PEE COCKROACH.

Why it latched onto my leg, I have no idea. But I quickly shook it off and grabbed the shower head in preparation to kill it. (Sorry, I have no sympathy toward pee cockroaches. They have no redeeming qualities.) But the little turd crawled out under the shower door.
I glared at it while my heart beat slowed to normal and continued with my shower, preparing to kill the thing when I was done.

At this point in time, I had been extremely calm. No sudden movements. No screaming. I was calm externally, anyway.

I finished up with the shower and while I dried off, I looked around the bathroom floor for the stupid pee cockroach. I found him by the toilet. Just standing there. Twit.

I left the bathroom to get dressed and grabbed a tube of shuttlecocks to attack it with. I figured I had had enough bodily contact with it.

As I approached, I leaned in and crushed it with the end of the tube. No hesitation. If you hesitate, it will scuttle. If it scuttles, you'll freak out again because you don't want it to touch your feet. Was there a satisfying crunch sound? Yes. Am I sorry?

Not. in. the. slightest.

As I smushed the pee cockroach, I could feel the adrenaline rush that his initial sighting had caused. I felt all the scream and sudden movements pouring out into that unnecessarily forceful and violent killing.

Stupid pee cockroach.

He deserved it.

When I was satisfied with my work, I moved the tube, wiped up the corpse on the floor, wiped down the tube and set it back in its place. Calm as ever. No one who would have seen me then could have guessed I had just felt my heart beating outside my chest.

I don't think I'm actually afraid of cockroaches. I think I am just supremely grossed out by them.

So yeah, that's what happened.

D.R.I.P, pee cockroach. You stole a year of my life that night.

But I have to give you some credit. You've given me a great conversation starter.

first train home

Time and tide waits for no man.

Hello blog.
Something happened to me today.

Before dinner, I decided I'd wash off the crazy heat of today and had a shower. Nothing really out of the ordinary. I finished up, dried off and got dressed. Sounds normal, right?
Right.

But as I was towelling my hair, I glanced up to look at my mirror. (Yes, at it, not in it.)
And I saw what Rachel Q had written on it while she was at my place for my minuscule birthday celebration.

It said:
'HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY MANDA!! Enjoy it!'

She wrote it on the day itself, meaning that we are currently about a year and a half away from the time the marker touched the surface of the mirror.

It dawned upon me that in six months, I'm gonna turn eighteen.

I paused to think about it, and realised that the thought scared me more than I thought it would. Getting older is not the problem. Being eighteen, an adult, is not the problem.
It's the fact, that I remember being eight years old, looking up to the twelve year olds at church and thinking about how cool they were. Watching the twenty year olds and writing them off as ancient.

I'm currently in my late teens and I don't remember a significant TURNING point in which that happened. It was a gradual progression that I was completely unconscious of.

Time just moves.

It goes and goes and never stops.

Does that scare me?

Honestly, it does.

It's kind of terrifying. Things happen, and we just have to deal with them and live with the consequences. Everything that happens, everyone we meet and everything we do affects who we are and who we become.

It's a daunting thought, no?

I wanna think that my life has made a difference to someone. I wanna think that I affected someone in a positive way and that they'll always remember me for it.

Time will always move forward.

We can't do anything about it. Yes, I do say that with a slight tone of helplessness.

But it is a fact, and we have to come to grips with that.

I have to come to grips with that.

it's not a donkey!

Hey guys, Mariel, anyone else reading this.

I HAVES AN UPDATE FOR YOU!!

Not a real update. Update, as in a new post. I haven't exactly thought about what I'm gonna talk about yet. Which is a fail, lah. But I am making an attempt. Which is PROGRESS.

I'm trying to think of something extraordinary that has happened to me since I last was here.

Plenty of things have happened, but I don't know which to talk about.

OMIGHAAAAAASH.

Okay. I just checked the photos on my phone to see if I could show you something. AND I FOUND THE AWESOMEST THING EVER.

Okay, here:



This is a unicorn.

I drew it in Lit. It helps me concentrate, okay? But yeah. By the end of the class, I was very excited about him. So I showed him to Ms. C. The conversation went a little bit like this:

Me: Look!

Ms. C: Haha.

Me: I HAVE A UNICORN!

Ms. C: *chuckle* It looks like a cross between a unicorn, a donkey and a hippo.

Me: *indignantly* IT'S A UNICORN!

Ms. C: *still chuckling*

Me: *hugs clipboard to chest and sulks*

--

THEN, right. In Stats, the clipboard was on my table, and when Ms. Tan came to check on us working, she said:

"That's a cute donkey."

She then smiled and walked away while I forced "it's a unicorn" out of my throat.

Huh.

I'm upset about this. Legitimately upset.

YOU GUYS know it's a unicorn, RIGHT?

right?

--

:)

Herbert Fredrick Franklin (a.k.a. The Attack of the Baby Dinosaurs)

Hello blogworld.

I've got a story for you.

Around dinnertime on Monday, I developed a sharp pain in my stomach. I didn't think much of it because I do tend to have stomach problems every now and then. But close to the middle of the meal, it became quite terrible.

Mum and Dad were pretty convinced that it was a gastric problem, but I knew better.

I was being eaten alive by a baby dinosaur.

In honour of the momentous occasion, I decided to name him. Ever the helper, Alex came up with one for him too. I named him Franklin. Alex named him Herbert.
As the night progressed, little Franklin (he's called that because that's the name I gave him. This is MY blog. Get your own, Alex.) got increasingly violent.

The pain was crazysuperi'mnotevenkiddingseriouslyiwouldnotwishthatuponmyworseenemyre
allysuperunbearably bad. I kid you not.

[I'll skip to the next part, where all the convulsing and backwards eating finally stopped.]

This morning, I woke up feeling a lot better. I didn't feel completely recovered, but I didn't feel like crawling into a hole to die. And that's always a good way to feel. :D

Rachel paid a visit to make sure the little dino didn't get me, which is where the second half of the story comes along.

'I wonder what happened to Fredrick.'

'What?'

'I was asking about Fredrick and what happened to him.'

'What drink?!?!'

'FREDRICK. The baby dinosaur!'

'. . .'

'Didn't you name him Franklin?'

'Oh. Yeah. That's what I meant.'

And after that, the conversation didn't seem worth continuing anymore. I blame the one in possession of the superior memory. *jerks head towards Rachel*

haha.

So kids, the moral of the story is to never name the baby dinosaur that invades your stomach because it will kill you. It will also multiply.

Consider this my good deed of the week.

:)

--

P.S. I do feel better. After a sucky night like Monday night, everything looks nice and sunny.

*waves*

Hi.

I'm on holiday. :) Raya break gave me two days (officially) off school. Which is nice. But you know what's better? That my lecturers are awesomepants and cancelled classes for the rest of the week.
THAT'S better.

So yes. Like a lot of you guys, I have the whole week off. *does gremlin dance*

But I've gotta spend majority of it working. As in studying. And writing essays. And being productive. *stops gremlin dancing*

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I HAVE TO STOP HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Okay, I apologise for sounding a bit mad. I can't really explain this mood I'm in at the moment.
After I post this, I'm going to shower and try to wash it off. The first shower today must have been insufficient.

Ha. I drove home from the gardening shop today after lunch. I think I gave my parents matching coronaries. Looks like I'm gonna need a bit more practice before letting them in the car again.
Mum thinks I drive too fast.
Suppose she's right, but I was afraid of driving too slow on a road where there are other cars driving at normal, I'vebeendrivingforever speeds. They all overtook anyway, so I suppose it didn't really make a difference.
*shrug*

More updates as that progresses.

I thought I had more to say today, but I think my attention span can't last an

of rollers and coasters

HAI.

The air conditioning unit in my room refuses to work. I am quite upset at it. Temperatures lately have not been kind, and I already have a very low tolerance for heat. This is NOT working for me.
Isokay, though. Sometime next week, someone will come fix it and everything will be right again in the world.

On the list of this week's achievements, we have the christening of our vacuum cleaner.

Everyone, meet Trevor:


He's super cool. The only thing about him that I have a problem with is that, more often than not, he rolls over my foot or scrapes my heel.
I forgive him, though, because he's the reason my friends don't die of dust allergies when they visit my room. It's a big room that NEEDS Trevor.

Trevor is cool and all, but he isn't the reason I was inspired to appear tonight. Something else happened. Something epic.

Tonight, being a Saturday, was go out for dinner night for the family. We decided to go for Korean food in Tropicana City Mall.
Heh. Actually, we decided to go to Tropicana City Mall, then decided to eat Korean food.

The food was decent, and I was satisfied. The guy who brought us our bill (henceforth referred to as Coolwaiterguy) cheerfully asked how the food was and apologised for the lacking service. (It was a busy night, and most of the waiters were consistently occupied.) I thought it was pretty cool of him to say that.
To recognise bad service, you'd have to know what good service is in the first place.

ANYWAY.

Alex left the restaurant first, claiming he needed to 'get out of there'. I followed a bit behind. I saw Coolwaiterguy standing by the cash register. The conversation went pretty much like this:

Coolwaiterguy: *nods and smiles*

Me: *grins back*

Coolwaiterguy: Thank you.

Me: Thanks. (because I felt that 'you're welcome' or anything of the sort was an awkward response.)

Coolwaiterguy: *turns towards counter*

Me: *continues walking*

Coolwaiterguy: *turns back* Here, a present for you. *hands me two coasters*

Me: *takes them* Cool. Thanks!

Coolwaiterguy: They're coasters.

Me: Awesome!

I gave him another huge smile and walked out eager to brag to Alex about the awesomeness that is my life.

I have new coasters!


I don't know if this is something that happens to everyone that goes in and out of there, but I was the only one in my family who received a pair and that was enough to make me feel pretty darn special.

It just made my day that little bit more awesome.

:)

Hope you're all well.

manda